I’ve felt a bit left out by not wildly speculating about
what the new Star Wars film might or might not have in it, or who might or
might not be involved. So here goes: I reckon it will be a gritty political
drama about the Ewoks. It will just be them sitting about in their Ewok
parliament discussing complex, tree based, zoning issues. There will be no
action, but lots of long, thoughtful soliloquies about the nature of humanity
(or Ewokity). It will star Will Smith as every singly character (including
extras) and feature cameos from Karl Rove and George W. Bush. I will be super peeved
if it isn’t exactly how I just described.
In other news: ZackSnyder, QuentinTarantino and Steven Spielberg
are all confirmed not to direct. See what I mean about not news?
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