Review: The Last Stand

This film is bad. Not in a “it’s so bad that it’s good” way, it’s just bad.  Don’t go and see it. There are much better films on at the moment, go and see one of them instead. Got that? Good, now I’ll move on to why it’s bad.  

The main reason is that the acting is terrible. Arnold Schwarzenegger has very few roles that he can play convincingly. None of those roles involve portraying depth, or human emotion. Playing a barbarian warrior? Fine. A robot assassin from the future? No problem. A small town sheriff, i.e. someone you might actually meet and have a conversation with? No can do. A plank of wood with a smiley face painted on it conveys more human emotion than Arnie, he’s just not built for any kind of vaguely realistic role. Johnny Knoxville is also predictably annoying. He does his weird, zany, thing he has been doing since 2000, which has gotten super old. The man is 41 years old, isn’t it time he cut this shit out? The other actors are all pretty horrible too, even the mighty Forest Whitaker isn’t enough to lift the film, which is saying a lot. So yeah, C- for acting.

The other big problem is the action is really limp, which is a major failing in a film like this. Say what you like about The Expendables - some of the acting in that film was bloody terrible - but at least it got the action right, which is what an action film is all about (the clue is in the genre title). A good action sequence will surprise you and make you feel excited, it’ll make you squeal with joy and say “wow”. The problem with The Last Stand is that the action does none of those things, it’s not visceral, it’s not impressive, and it’s not cool, it’s just boring and crap. A bit like the rest of the film really.

There are other problems with the film as well, the pacing is terrible and the plot makes no sense, and it all just feels really weak and poorly thought through. The Last Stand doesn’t seem to have an obvious reason to exist, and there definitely isn’t any reason for you to watch it. So go and watch Django Unchained instead (review next week), it’s much better.  

Watch if you like: being disappointed

If you like this watch: The Expendables