Review: The Last Stand

This film is bad. Not in a “it’s so bad that it’s good” way, it’s just bad.  Don’t go and see it. There are much better films on at the moment, go and see one of them instead. Got that? Good, now I’ll move on to why it’s bad.  

The main reason is that the acting is terrible. Arnold Schwarzenegger has very few roles that he can play convincingly. None of those roles involve portraying depth, or human emotion. Playing a barbarian warrior? Fine. A robot assassin from the future? No problem. A small town sheriff, i.e. someone you might actually meet and have a conversation with? No can do. A plank of wood with a smiley face painted on it conveys more human emotion than Arnie, he’s just not built for any kind of vaguely realistic role. Johnny Knoxville is also predictably annoying. He does his weird, zany, thing he has been doing since 2000, which has gotten super old. The man is 41 years old, isn’t it time he cut this shit out? The other actors are all pretty horrible too, even the mighty Forest Whitaker isn’t enough to lift the film, which is saying a lot. So yeah, C- for acting.

The other big problem is the action is really limp, which is a major failing in a film like this. Say what you like about The Expendables - some of the acting in that film was bloody terrible - but at least it got the action right, which is what an action film is all about (the clue is in the genre title). A good action sequence will surprise you and make you feel excited, it’ll make you squeal with joy and say “wow”. The problem with The Last Stand is that the action does none of those things, it’s not visceral, it’s not impressive, and it’s not cool, it’s just boring and crap. A bit like the rest of the film really.

There are other problems with the film as well, the pacing is terrible and the plot makes no sense, and it all just feels really weak and poorly thought through. The Last Stand doesn’t seem to have an obvious reason to exist, and there definitely isn’t any reason for you to watch it. So go and watch Django Unchained instead (review next week), it’s much better.  

Watch if you like: being disappointed

If you like this watch: The Expendables

Review: Les Miserables

Les Mis is a musical. You probably know this because it has been around, literally, forever. So chances are that you probably have a rough idea of what it’s like, maybe you know some of the songs, and whether or not you like it. For those of you who haven’t come across the stage version before, it’s a musical set in early 19^th century France, it has themes of redemption and love, and has lots of people in costumes singing huge, melodramatic, bangers. It’s a Marmite kind of a thing really, you either love it or you hate it.

Those who fall into the second camp might be disappointed - the film doesn’t mix up the formula at all. It’s a straight up movement from the theatre to the silver screen. It is however a bloody good production, and this is for a couple of reasons.

Firstly the singing is really good. Which is pleasantly surprising given that none of the cast have a history of singing (not entirely true I know, but none of the cast are famous for their singing career). Particular mention goes to Hugh Jackman, who manages amazingly well throughout the whole film. Who would have thought that Wolverine could reach the high notes?

The other reason the film is so good is that the set and costume design is amazing. It really brings everything to life. From huge ships to dramatic barricades to bawdy inns, it’s all there in well thought through, sumptuous, detail. It makes the world feel as big and epic as the music which is, quite frankly, a pretty massive achievement.

Ultimately, the film is like a slice of super-rich chocolate cake. It’s indulgent, it’s probably too much for some people, but if it’s your sort of thing you are going to love it.

P.S What is up with Hugh Jackman’s new face? Has he got skinnier? Or does he just look really different with no sideburns?